


A Record of Inter-troll Relationships, By R. Lalonde

by SimplerUser



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-12
Updated: 2015-01-12
Packaged: 2018-03-07 06:55:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3165533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SimplerUser/pseuds/SimplerUser
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rose Lalonde chronicles her observations of Vriska Serket and Kanaya Maryam's relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Record of Inter-troll Relationships, By R. Lalonde

**Author's Note:**

  * For [xngurevar](https://archiveofourown.org/users/xngurevar/gifts).



A Record of Inter-troll Relationships  
By R. Lalonde

Two weeks of cohabitation with the Jade blood _Kanaya_ _Maryam_ and the Cerulean blood _Vriska_ _Serket_ give rise to this document. I could debate the necessity of it, but in the time spent doing so I may miss key developments in our subjects' behaviours, and what a shame that would be.

The dispositions of our subjects differ greatly. While Ms. Maryam keeps a close watch on her emotions and remains calm as much as possible, Ms. Serket lets hers run wild in demonstrations fit only for a playground. In short, Ms. Maryam acts civilized and Ms. Serket acts like a pissbaby.

Some background on the past fortnight: tension has been slowly building from events beginning with Ms. Serket swallowing Ms. Maryam's lipstick and ending with Ms. Maryam finishing Ms. Serket's cereal and chasing away her spiders in retaliation. As the third and unaffected party living in this establishment, I support Ms. Maryam's style over Ms. Serket's- but that is neither here nor there. Ordinarily, this would suggest a kismesissitude. But these are not ordinary trolls, and their relationship is not so simple.

In between consuming cosmetics, they find ample time for intimacies. For example: Ms. Maryam managed to run a hairbrush through Ms. Serket's hair two times today before it disintegrated from the alien acids that dwell within her tangles. As much as I could consider the pain that surely accompanied those two strokes an act of black affection, Ms. Maryam's concerned expression was anything but pitch.

And so we have our stage, and begin our log from a clean slate.

 

\---

Matespritship: 0  
Moirallegiance: 0  
Kismesissitude: 0  
Auspisticism: 0

Day: 15.

Ms. Serket declares that Ms. Maryam is "a fussy, fussy fusterer" who needs to "cut out the fusstering", and saunters (many movements made by a six foot two alien with as much volume as a skeleton are saunters - the only ones which are not are those where she scuttles) into Ms. Maryam's closet. What exactly happened in there is unclear, but the casualties speak volumes. Many sequins lost their lives this day, sewn before their time, barely matured and entirely unsuited for the garments they rest upon.

Kismesitude: +1

Ms. Maryam makes myself and Ms. Serket dinner. She insists that Ms. Serket consumes at least enough to ensure that she will not pass out the following day from all her running around.

Moirallegiance: +1

\---

Matespritship: 0  
Moirallegiance: 1  
Kismesissitude: 1  
Auspisticism: 0

Day: 16.

The internet (frightful place, filled with horrors) provides a feeding ground for Ms. Serket's natural argumentative nature. Today, however, the one who finds herself wrapped in its tortuous grasp of strawman arguments and unnecessary gaslighting is Ms. Maryam. Ms. Serket follows her standard prerogative of irritation. coupled nicely with a light pap to free Ms. Maryam from its grasp.

Auspisticism: +2  
Moirallegiance: +2

\---

Matespritship: 0  
Moirallegiance: 3  
Kismesissitude: 1  
Auspisticism: 2

Day: 17.

They take an excursion to the cinema, along with myself. Ms. Maryam adjusts Ms. Serket's scarf seven times and Ms. Serket returns the favour once.

Moirallegiance: +1

Not one for the cinema myself, I cannot pass judgement on the quality of the film. Ms. Serket, however, has no such caveats on her mind; she passes comment on every scene that did not have sufficient explosions for her taste. After one comment involving a woofbeast and several lusii, Ms. Maryam takes off a stocking and gags her with it. Ms. Serket appears to take this as a pass, and spends the remainder of the film observing the nuances of Ms. Maryam's expression.

Matespritship: +1  
Moirallegiance: +2  
Kismesissitude: +1  
Auspisticism: +1  
 ~~BDSM: +5~~

\---

Matespritship: 1  
Moirallegiance: 5  
Kismesissitude: 4  
Auspisticism: 8

Day: 22.

(Documenting each day would prove repetitive and unnecessary, and so at times I will skip days without comment. The points gained in those days will still be counted to ensure the findings are accurate. If proof is needed of the events that created those points, please direct your queries to tentacleTherapist@pesterchum.com.)

Ms. Serket offered herself up as a snack to Ms. Maryam today. Having ingested Ms. Maryam's new lipstick the day before, I believe she intends for this gesture to mollify Ms. Maryam. This shows more tact than Ms. Serket should be capable of displaying without spontaneously combusting. I remain on guard.

Matespritship: +2  
Moirallegiance: +2

\---

Matespritship: 3  
Moirallegiance: 7  
Kismesissitude: 4  
Auspisticism: 8

Day: 24.

Ms. Serket combusts our kitchen.

Ms. Maryam banishes Ms. Serket to the couch. Ms. Serket retreats, blanket in tow.

Moirallegiance: +1  
Kismesissitude: +1  
Auspisticism: +1

\---

Matespritship: 3  
Moirallegiance: 8  
Kismesissitude: 5  
Auspisticism: 9

Day: 26.

Ms. Serket inserts both of her icicle feet into our bed once more.

Matespritship: +1  
Moirallegiance: +1  
Auspisticism: +1

\---

Matespritship: 4  
Moirallegiance: 9  
Kismesissitude: 5  
Auspisticism: 10

Day: 28.

A third lipstick is consumed. Ms. Maryam offers to buy Ms. Serket her own supply. Ms. Serket declares Ms. Maryam a buzzkill. Ms. Maryam notes that the colour jade suits Ms. Serket "like stripes on a spotbeast*".

*I understand the term for a spotbeast in common English to be "leopard".

Moirallegiance: +1  
Kismesissitude: +2

\---

Matespritship: 7  
Moirallegiance: 15  
Kismesissitude: 7  
Auspisticism: 18

Day: 31.

Upon a visit to the local watering hole, Ms. Maryam and Ms. Serket demonstrate their abilities to play together as a team. They make light work of unwanted advances. Ms. Maryam's jabs at their disposition weaken their composure, and Ms. Serket's heavy blows crush it flat until their target beats a hasty retreat.

Moirallegiance: +2

\---

Matespritship: 11  
Moirallegiance: 17  
Kismesissitude: 8  
Auspisticism: 18

Day: 35.

Ms. Maryam begins spring cleaning. Spiders flee. Ms. Serket yells.

Moirallegiance: +1  
Kismesissitude: +3  
Dead Spiders: +Many

\---

Matespritship: 11  
Moirallegiance: 18  
Kismesissitude: 11  
Auspisticism: 18

Day: 40.

Ms. Serket takes Ms. Maryam out for a wiggling day drive on the motorcycle she has dubbed _FuckSl8yr_. On her return, Ms. Maryam has flowers in her hair. Ms. Maryam kisses her and holds her hand as they return for the rest of our festivities.

Matespritship: +3

\---

Matespritship: 14  
Moirallegiance: 18  
Kismesissitude: 11  
Auspisticism: 18

Day: 44.

An intimate sight that I personally did not wish to observe.

Matespritship: +3  
Kismesissitude: +7

\---

Matespritship: 17  
Moirallegiance: 18  
Kismesissitude: 18  
Auspisticism: 18

Day: 45.

A month has now passed, and so this is the last point that I will add.

Today, Ms. Serket, wide eyed and uncharacteristically humble, pressed against Ms. Maryam for a kiss lacking bite or malice.

Matespritship: +1

\---

Matespritship: 18  
Moirallegiance: 18  
Kismesissitude: 18  
Auspisticism: 18

The totals speak for themselves. While trolls place themselves into quandrants as readily as a cat places itself into a box, Ms. Maryam and Ms. Serket refuse to comply with this standard and prefer a balance. Cohabitation with this pair remains dangerous and frequently provides unneeded cultural enlightenment, but is, at least, manageable.

_Fin._


End file.
